Say Goodbye Not Knowing How

It lays at the bottom of a jewelry box. On top of the green handwriting that says Aug'06 Love, Caro. It's long, black and open from many years of use.

It's a bobby pin.

Mama's bobby pin.

It's the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

Caro gave it to me this summer. She brought it back with her from D.R.

When she handed me a ball of newspaper and said with a smile on her face "open it" I knew that this was something I was going to love.

After ripping apart the newspaper a smile spread across my face at the sight of the bold and beautiful colors of the jewelry box.

"I bought it in Santiago." She told me. I loved it and wanted to thank her when she stopped me and said "open it." "There is more?" I said.

Caro just smiled at me and said laughing "It's not a lot but it is what I could steal."

I opened the jewelry box's careful not sure of what I was going to find, and there it was a long, black, worn out bobby pin the minute I saw it I knew what it was.

"It's mama's" Caro said. All I could do was nod as I fought back the tears. Some how I whispered out a thank you.

I know to many people a bobby pin is just a bobby pin, but to me it is so much more. Mama always wore her hair up in a bun. One night after Papa passed away Caro was helping her take her hair down, that was when she stole the bobby pin that would later find it's way into the beautiful jewelry box that Caro gave me.

I wish I could tell you how much I love that bobby pin. It is something that I treasure so much.

The jewelry box sits on top of my dresser and to this day it holds only one thing Mama's bobby pin.

For the first few months after papa passed away, I spent hours in my room holding that bobby pin hoping that by holding it, some of Mama strength would rub off on me.
Seven months later, I find myself back in my room holding that bobby pin. The realization that it along with my memories and a few pictures are all that I have left of Mama.

As the tears fall from my eyes, I hold on tight to that bobby pin it is my way of saying goodbye and yet at the same time I know that it is my way of keeping Mama's memory alive. Although she will live forever in my memories and most of all my heart, I can't help but feel that by holding on to this bobby pin, by being able to show it to other people it proves that Mama existed. That she lived a wonderful and full life, that she had a family who adored and most of all loved her. That she has a family who will keep her memory alive.

Even thought I know Mama is in a better place, that her suffering has ended and she is now in heaven with Papa, I find it hard to let go. Seven months later and I find myself in the same situation that I was in seven months ago. Sitting in my room holding on to Mama's bobby pin with tears in my eyes hoping that by holding on to it some of mama strength will rub off on me.