Sunday, November 01, 2009

I am whatever you say I am

I know it's been a while, but there are something I need to say.

I think it's time to clear the air. There have been somethings said about me and I think its time to respond.

So here we go:

You said I was fat and bitter, and you are right I am all of those things and even a few more that you didn't think of.

So you called me fat, do you really think that's the first time I have heard that? I mean really? Did you think I didn't know that already? Come on, you can come up with a better insult then that. Guess what, your right I am fat, does it bother me? Sometimes, but then I remember that I'm healthy and if I really wanted to lose the weight I could. At the moment I'm ok with the way I look.

As for the bitter part, your right I am bitter. I'm also depressed, but that is expected after you go through what I went through. I lost two grandparents within a six month period. My family is the most important thing to me, so yes when my grandparents died I took it hard and became depressed. Right after my grandfather passed away, I found out that my father has Alzheimer. Not the easiest of news to hear. Then my grandmother died. After that different family members and friend have passed. So yes, I'm bitter and depressed your right I am. I think I have a right to be. I am working my way through grief. It's taking me longer then I or anyone else thought, but it is what it is. I like everyone else have good days and bad days. There are more good then bad, but yes I will complain and whine when I am having a bad day. If that makes me bitter then so be it, I'm bitter.

So what if I'm anti-social or a hermit. I don't like to go out to clubs, it's just not my scene. To tell you the truth, I rather read a good book, or go to the movies, or go out to eat, or hang out with my friends and family. Does that mean that I can't or won't go out dancing every once in a while no, but I am a homebody at heart.

I do have a small group of friends, your right about that too. I do "know" a lot of people, but there is a very small and select group of people who I consider to be my friends, and to me they are not my friends but my family, and as you know my family is the most important thing to me. So your right I am a "drama queen", and I will always be a "drama queen" when it comes to defending my family. Trust me this is the one area in life were you do not want to mess with me. I will ALWAYS chose my family over you and everyone else. I will fight with everything I have and then some when it comes to them. Do we fight and say shit we don't mean at times? Yeah we do, what family doesn't? The thing you need to know is this, at the end of the day we will always be there for each other no matter what.

I am too nice, again your right. That's just the way I am. Trust me I have tried to be mean, and when it is needed I can be a real bitch. The thing is that it's hard for me to be that way. It's just not in my nature. It's exhausting for me to be that mean. So yes I am too nice. I have always been and most possible will always be that way.

So let's see what do we have hmm a fat, bitter, depressed, nice, drama queen. You know what I'm ok with that. All I can be is just me.

P.S. Something I just realized. I should have never quit blogging. I didn't know just how much I needed this until right now.

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