One more time

When I started this blog, many, many years ago it was to track my weight lost attempt. Those of you who have been reading this blog all know how that went.

We make plans and try to stick to them, but life always happens. My cousin N is getting married this summer. I am one of three maids of honors. This prompted me to try the whole weight lost thing again. Now I have tried everything from Weight Watchers, to Atkins, to the Zone, to having magnets stuck behind my ears to help "balance my body." They all failed. I now know why. 1) I wasn't ready 2) I was doing it alone. I was one of those people who use to think " how hard is it to lose weight?" you would think as a person who has attempted this many times I would know the answer to this.

Every pass weight lost attempt was started for the wrong reason. I was trying to lose weight for other people, instead of for myself. So I would try, see a little result and then quit. Rise and repeat. That's the way it has been for years.

Until recently that is, I have made friends with the most unexpected people. My co-workers, I know you are suppose to be friendly with your co-workers, but here is the thing. I was sure that this group of people did not like me. Funny how things work out. During the last two years we have gotten to know each other, and they have become my core group of friends. No worries besties (aka primos) no one can ever replace you guys.

We are quite a group of misfits, but I know thats why our friendship works. Where one of us is weak the other is strong. We are going to eat clean, meaning no processed foods as well as working out together two times a week. So far we have done really well with the eating, not so much with the working out. We will get there though. Everyone is starting to see results, and I look forward to meeting up with them for breakfast and lunch everyday.

Now I have always been a "big" girl, and I know that my body is naturally curvy, but during these last three years I have gain more weight then I am comfortable with. So that's my goal, to loss the weight I put on recently. So while this might have started out as losing weight for the wedding, it is quickly becoming about a lifestyle change for me and no one else. I want to be comfortable in my skin, and yeah looking good at N's wedding is an added bonus.

This use to be my playground

Ahh Blogging.

I remember when I use to post on here every single day. Sometimes twice in one day. Those were the good ol' days.

Then I discovered Myspace (I know, I know), then Facebook, and now Twitter.

Yes, that is where I am all of the time. On Twitter.

That is the reason why I have not updated my blog. I have been busy tweeting.

Sigh. I'm sorry blogger. I'll try to update you more often, but I can't make you any promises.

Mistakes I've made

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I'm sure there are still many more to be made.


One of the mistakes I regret the most was when I stopped blogging. After that I just stopped. I stopped talking, listening, caring, being, I just stopped. I didn't think anyone would want to read, or care about my grief, depression, bitterness. I mean really who wants to read about that? But there is where my mistake lies.


It shouldn't matter who reads it, I needed to talked about it, work through the huge grief I was/ still am going through, just get the thoughts out of my head, no matter how silly they were/are and have them "down on paper".


I was so busy being lost in my pain that I didn't take the time to look up and notice everyone else. Mama and Papa's death affected everyone in my family, not just me and instead of drawing closer to my family, I pulled away. I put myself in this little box were everything was "ok" and shut everything and everyone else out.


The pain of losing my grandparents was/is the worst pain that I have ever felt ,and I never wanted to feel that way again. So in my great wisdom, I decided it was best to stop caring, to stop loving. If I didn't care or love, then when the next person died or left it won't hurt as much right?


I ruined a lot of good relationships during my "not caring" stage. I take full responsibility for that. I cause a lot of damage. Even if that wasn't my intention I still caused damage. Some of the damage I caused is un-fixable, I will have to live with that the rest of my life. Some people no longer trust me or want anything to do with me. I don't blame them, but I will morn the lost of their friendship.

I'm hoping that there are still some people who will accept me back into their lives, even if it takes some time for that to be true. I did this and I need to accept my consequences no matter how much they hurt me.


I'm not back to being the "old me". Not sure I ever will be, but I feel as if a part of me is returning. I have this need to do all of the talking, listening, sharing I refused to do 3 years ago. I fully realize that do to my own doing, there might not be anyone around who is willing to listen. I might look like a crazy person talking to myself but I feel that as long as I don't answer myself I should be ok.

So here we go, I apologize in advance to who ever might come across this blog but there are just something I need to say.

I am whatever you say I am

I know it's been a while, but there are something I need to say.

I think it's time to clear the air. There have been somethings said about me and I think its time to respond.

So here we go:

You said I was fat and bitter, and you are right I am all of those things and even a few more that you didn't think of.

So you called me fat, do you really think that's the first time I have heard that? I mean really? Did you think I didn't know that already? Come on, you can come up with a better insult then that. Guess what, your right I am fat, does it bother me? Sometimes, but then I remember that I'm healthy and if I really wanted to lose the weight I could. At the moment I'm ok with the way I look.

As for the bitter part, your right I am bitter. I'm also depressed, but that is expected after you go through what I went through. I lost two grandparents within a six month period. My family is the most important thing to me, so yes when my grandparents died I took it hard and became depressed. Right after my grandfather passed away, I found out that my father has Alzheimer. Not the easiest of news to hear. Then my grandmother died. After that different family members and friend have passed. So yes, I'm bitter and depressed your right I am. I think I have a right to be. I am working my way through grief. It's taking me longer then I or anyone else thought, but it is what it is. I like everyone else have good days and bad days. There are more good then bad, but yes I will complain and whine when I am having a bad day. If that makes me bitter then so be it, I'm bitter.

So what if I'm anti-social or a hermit. I don't like to go out to clubs, it's just not my scene. To tell you the truth, I rather read a good book, or go to the movies, or go out to eat, or hang out with my friends and family. Does that mean that I can't or won't go out dancing every once in a while no, but I am a homebody at heart.

I do have a small group of friends, your right about that too. I do "know" a lot of people, but there is a very small and select group of people who I consider to be my friends, and to me they are not my friends but my family, and as you know my family is the most important thing to me. So your right I am a "drama queen", and I will always be a "drama queen" when it comes to defending my family. Trust me this is the one area in life were you do not want to mess with me. I will ALWAYS chose my family over you and everyone else. I will fight with everything I have and then some when it comes to them. Do we fight and say shit we don't mean at times? Yeah we do, what family doesn't? The thing you need to know is this, at the end of the day we will always be there for each other no matter what.

I am too nice, again your right. That's just the way I am. Trust me I have tried to be mean, and when it is needed I can be a real bitch. The thing is that it's hard for me to be that way. It's just not in my nature. It's exhausting for me to be that mean. So yes I am too nice. I have always been and most possible will always be that way.

So let's see what do we have hmm a fat, bitter, depressed, nice, drama queen. You know what I'm ok with that. All I can be is just me.

P.S. Something I just realized. I should have never quit blogging. I didn't know just how much I needed this until right now.

Garage Sales and Mami

This summer my aunt introduce my lovely mother to garage sales. At first it was harmless fun. Mami would stop at a garage sale during her Saturday morning errand run. She would pick up one or two things or sometime nothing at all. She would call up my aunts, sister, and other family members and tell them of stuff she found that she thinks they could use/need/want. Pretty soon it became an obsession. Mami was hitting up 3-6 garage sales a day. Still only on Saturday but she spent most of her time garage sale shopping rather then food shopping. Chairs, tables, and artwork among other things started to appear everywhere in our house. When I would ask her about it she would tell me about the deal she got, with such joy that I just couldn't say anything about it to her.

As mami started to disappear for longer and longer hours at garage sale and more and more stuff started to appear at our house I started to get concern. So I talked to my dad about it, who just shrugged and said " What can I do chiquito? You know how your mom is." Thanks Papi.

My sister on the other hand laughed and told me not to worry that mami was just enjoying some retail therapy. So I let it go. That was until Mami asked me to hustle an older couple for a table. I could not believe that my sweet mother was asking me to hustle this old couple for a table. "Mami" I said. " What? People like you. You can talk them down for me." She said. I tried to reason with her but she would not listen, so I finally had to put my foot down. I would not hustle this older couple for her. She asked me nicely, I told her I wouldn't do it. She beg, I still wasn't going to do it. She threaten to call my father, nope still not doing it mami. Then she pulled out the only card she had left. My grandparents. I am a sucker for my grandparents.

In the end mami got her way. Well that's what she thinks at least. I could not do it. I could not hustle this cute little old couple over a table. I payed them the price they were asking for. When I got back home with the prized table mami just assumed that I was able to talk them down. I never corrected her. I did not see a reason why I should. She had her table (which we don't need) and the little old couple got their money (which they do need). So to me it was a win-win. I have never in my life been so excited for winter. It means the end of garage sales for a while, and hopefully by the time summer comes back around I will be able to send mami to garage sale rehab. Now I just have to make sure that I can keep thrift stores a secret.

Y no es de aquí porque su nombre no aparece en los archivos, ni es de allá porque se fue.

Two weekends ago I was able to go see Barack and Michelle Obama speak in Pueblo, Co. Pueblo is a 2 hr drive from Denver. Maga and Lili also wanted to go. So we packed ourselves into my car and we went on our way.

You could feel the excitement in the air. We where excited to see Barack and Michelle speak. We where excited for the then up coming elections. We where excited for the future and the change it held. On our drive down we started looking for cars with Obama stickers who we thought were also going in the same direction as us.

During our drive Lili and I where able to talk to Maga about our family, life, religion, politics and of course immigration among other things. Maga shared just a small amount of details of what it was like for her to come to the United States. She shocked Lili and I when she said " It was hard, but I know that it is hard for you guys also."

Maga understood that we had our own obstacles to over come. We are the first generation born in the United States. We are children of immigrants, children who really don't belong anywhere. Maga and Lili wanted to know what it had been like for me growing up with two cultures. Even though Lili is going through the same things I went through being her older cousin she wanted advice.

So I told her.

I told her that some days she would feel like she doesn't belong anywhere and that no one gets her. I told her that to some people we were always going to be too Latin to be American and too American to be Latin. That people where going to tell her that she spoke with an accent. It didn't matter if she spoke in Spanish or English. She would always speak with this so call accent that she could never notice but everyone else could.

I told her that balancing two cultures was going to be difficult. Some days it would feel impossible but she would be able to do it. That most days she would feel like she is torn in two. Her American side and her Dominican side. That some people would hold the fact that she is a U.S. citizen against her. That some people would hold the fact that she is Dominican against her. That she would encounter idiots who will judge her, but that at the same time she will encounter people who embrace her.

I told her to make peace with the fact that she is not really from here or there. To befriend people who are just like her, juggling two cultures and trying to make sense of it all.

I told her that we are lucky. We are lucky because we get to experience the best of both worlds, and to ignore the worst. We are lucky because we speak two languages.We get to experience two cultures. That we can eat mangu and salami for breakfast and McDonalds for dinner and not blink a eye. That we can dance to merengue and switch it hip-hop without missing a beat. That we can speak in Spanglish if we wanted to. That we are now a part of the majority. That we have advantages that our parents and grandparents never had. That most people wish that they where as lucky as we are. That some people die trying to get what we have.That the feeling of being inadequate and not belonging will fade with time. To use her two cultures to her advantage.

Three days later Barack Obama a black man, the son of an immigrant became president.

Benched

Two weeks after I started my new job, I got injured on the job. Great, so not only am I the new chick, but know I am the new chick who got hurt.

To tell you the truth I didn't even know I was hurt until I tried to put weight on my left leg. The first thing that ran through my minds was " hmm, that's a funny feeling". The sad thing is I didn't get hurt doing anything cool or dangerous. So I don't have an amazing story to tell you about my injury. I was simply unjamming the copier.

I pulled a tendon in my left knee. I was on crutches up until last week. I had to go to physical therapy and everything. Being on crutches sucked. I had never been on them before and let me tell you they suck. Physical therapy was o.k. I finished that last week as well. My doctor released me back to my regular work duty but I still have a hard time going downstairs but I can go up them. There are a few other things that I still can't do like dance, squat, kneel, but the doc says it will be a few months until I am completely healed. There are some other things that I can do but he rather I don't in case I re-injure myself. So I have been taking it easy.

One thing about getting injured is that I saw a new side to people and most of all myself. It has been something. The people I thought would be there to help me and take care of me weren't always there. The people I least expected to care where the first ones to offer to help. Amazing how that works out huh?

Anyways, I have to remind myself daily to take it easy. I can no longer go a million miles a minute like I use too. An other thing being injured has done is made me slow down. Which is something that I am not use too. If I try to over due it, I pay for it dearly that night or else the next day. I am getting better at taking things slowly then I was before. One day at a time, until I heal completely after that I can't promise that I won't go back to the old days of running a million miles a minute after all I am from New York.

Everyone knows I'm in over my head

Hi there, how's it going? I know it has been a while since I have posted. I am sorry about that but I just haven't had the time to be honest. My new job takes up ALL of my time. I do like my new job, but there are days when I feel overwhelmed, and then I start to wonder what did I get myself into. I still miss my old job and the people that I use to work with, but I have made new friends at my job and I am getting to know some of the families at the new place. Hmm maybe I should stop calling it the new place?

Anyways, for those of you out there in the blogger world who have Blackberry's I have to share something that my cousin recently discovered. I love using Blackberry Messanger. Recently my cousin Karina discovered that you can invite more then one person to a conversation on messanger. Which means that you end up having your own little chat room. Which really comes in handy when you have to tell a few people the same information. We have been using it like crazy and I for one can tell you that I love it.

Hmmm what else ooo yeah the boy, things did not go well there. He is some one that I have known for a while now but due to this reason or the other we never got together. Recently we where both single at the same time and I thought what the heck lets give it a try. Well lets just say that things went down hill fast after that. So that means that I am still taking applications...lol.

As you can see I been busy making some changes to this little blog. So what do you think? I am trying to recreat my blog roll so if I missed your blog please forgive me and then let me know so I can add you.

Hmm, I have other things that I want to share but I will have to post that in a may i recommend post. Oh and we need a new Papi Chulo list right?

They are turning my head out, To see what I’m all about

So I wrote this long post about my trip to NY. I included pictures and everything, but I have decided not to post it. I don't know why. Anyways my trip to NY was lovely and much needed. I had such a great time that sometimes I think that its not real, that it did not happen. It has been a while since I have laughed so much. It was so nice to be taken care of for once instead of taking care of everyone else. My aunt is so cute, when we would go out she would tell my cousins to take care of me and make sure not to lose me...lol like I was a 4 yr old kid who did not know how to read a map or speak English and Spanish or own a cell phone...lol. It was cute, because she told them that if they lost me they would have to deal with my grandmother cause I am her favorite...lol. All of the above is not true. I am not my grandmother's favorite, and as you can see they didn't lose me...lol

It was nice to see family that I haven't seen in a while and just be able to spend time with them. So many inside jokes have come out of those two weeks that it's not even funny. I was able to visit my cousin in New Jersey and my aunt and uncle in Philly. So in all I had a nice trip. I was even able to see Caro while I was out there, oh man if I thought I missed her before I miss her even more now. We had such a lovely time on the day we where able to hang out.

Coming back home was hard, a lot harder then I thought it was going to be. I am glad to be back home but I find myself missing New York and everyone who lives there from time to time.

I applied for and got a new job which I start on Friday. It is a bittersweet experience for me. I love the job that I am leaving but do to the funding situation it does not look like it will be around much longer. Which is why I had to look for a new job. I found another great job which I am sure I will love as much as the one I am leaving. It still doesn't make it any easier to leave. I love the people I work with and the same goes for the family we help. I have been there for so long that it is hard to leave them behind. I know that my new job is going to be good for me, its a great opportunity. So I am excited about that. I will let you know how that ends up going.

Other wise then that things are good. I have had a good time hanging out with Gabe and Joe my new movie watching buddies. There is another situation involving a boy but I will have to tell you about that at a later time.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I will be in NYC from July 1-13th. I will try to post while I am there if not I will post when I get back. I hope that everyone has a great fourth of July. See You soon.

All The Pieces Of Me/ How To Save A Life

This post is going to be a total mess, so please bare with me.

I recently turned twenty seven. The birthday celebrations where good, but I keep going back to something I heard a comedian say a while ago he said that men should only date women under 25. That once a women turns 25 something clicks and all the sudden she is all about getting married and having children. I at the time like everyone else who heard it laughed, but now I find myself thinking about getting married and having kids more, but not just because everyone around me is getting married and having kids. Although I am sure that might have something to do with it.

The last few years have been hard for me and my family and I go through phases of being ok and then not being ok. Which everyone tells me is "normal" but here is where I stand at the moment.

The other day while taking a shower I had this thought that I need to hurry up and get married and have kids because I only have one set of grandparents left and I really want them to be there at my wedding and I want my kids and future husband to meet them. With all that has been going on I have realized how truly blessed I am. I have a great (crazy but great) family. I have amazing friends, a great boss, a job I like and I want someone to share that with.

I want someone to meet my Tio Teo and Tio Geno and see where I get my love of music from. I want someone to meet my mom, aunts, grandmother and Tio Alfredo and see where I get my love of food and cooking from. I want them to meet my older sister and see where I get my love of books and reading from. I want them to meet my father and see where I get my love for people especially children from. I want them to meet my middle sister and see where I get my need to be alone from. I want them to meet Caro, Gabe, Joe, Nat, Kari, Mady, etc and not only see but also meet some of the most important people in my life. I know that is a long list of people to meet but what can I say, I have a large family, which use to drive me crazy to tell you the truth but as I have grown I have learned to love them. So many people, so many personalities and in the end they make me who I am, and I am at the point in life where I want to share them with someone.

Not only because I think they are amazing, but because they truly are amazing, and I want my future husband and children to meet them before its too late. They are already going to miss meeting my maternal grandparents, who where some pretty amazing people. I know that we can share picture and stories but its not the same. You would have had to have met my grandfather to understand his love of jokes, which you can see a little of in my sense of humor, and mama who was quiet and strict but loved her garden, dancing and most of all her family. She also had a wicked sense of humor. I got some of those qualities as well especially the love of family.

When I share this with people they tell me that I shouldn't be in such a hurry that I am still young and that it will happen soon. At that point a part of me agrees with them and there is a part of me that screams that I am not that young and when will this all happen.

I don't want to waste anymore time. If what has happened in the last couple of years has taught me anything is that I don't know how much time I have left with the people who are the most important to me. Papa died with in ten days after we where told he had about 3 months. Mama died six months after that and after mama passed it just seems like we can't go more then three months without someone else in the family or a family friend (who is like family) passing away.

When I was younger I use to think that my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles will live forever. I now know that is not true. I didn't count on an illness that would slowly steal my father away from me, or losing two grandparents in a year. I didn't count on my brother-in-law getting sick and his need for a transplant and my sister being a perfect match and donating her kidney to him. The day of their operation was one of the hardest day of my life, being so far away and knowing that I couldn't be there.

All that life throws at you, all that we have been through and still have to go through. For example right now I can see that one of my cousin's who I love more then anything, is going through something. She is in pain and there is nothing I can do. "You cant save everyone Karla, no matter how hard you try" is what my friend said to me recently when I was explaining the situation to her. " You cant save everyone". That was so hard to hear.I come from a family where we "save" each other all the time. There are so many of us that there is always someone that you can call who will help you out. So it was so hard for me to hear that I couldn't save her. I know I cant save everyone and I don't want to save everyone but I want to save her, I want her to know that she is not alone that she is worth saving, that there are people who love her. I know she has to go through most of this alone but I want her to know that there are people there who not only love her but want to help her. I know that a part of her knows this already it just that the whole situation is so frustrating.

Sometimes I wish that life came with a remote control where you could rewind and fast forward. I don't usually regret things (something I also got from my grandparents) I was taught to be thankful for what you go through because in the end it makes you a better person, and I truly believe that but there are a few moments where I wish I could rewind, redo and sometimes fast forward. I want to see if I, if we come out alright on the other side.

¿Donde fuiste a parar, donde estas?

So I just got in a few hours ago from my trip to Louisville. Like always I had a great time. I love it down there.

Every year my boss sends me to this conference that is usually held in Louisville. This year a few of my co-workers where able to come with me.

We arrived late on Saturday night so we went straight to our hotel. Our conference started on Sunday. Sunday night we went to the Hard Rock for dinner. We had a great server who gave us great tips on good place to go see/eat etc, but we were still jet-lagged so we called it a night.

Monday night we went out to eat with the rest of our group who had arrived to Louisville a few days before us. We had a great time. It has been a while since I have laughed that much. During dinner someone said something about crossing the bridge by our hotel over to Indiana, we all thought that was a great idea so that is what we did after dinner. So here we are the five of us crossing the bridge at like midnight laughing and joking around the whole time.The weather was so nice and the view was beautiful.

Yesterday was our last day in Louisville, thankfully our conference ended early so we took the opportunity to go to Churchill Downs. My dad is a huge fan of the Kentucky Derby so I have grown up watching it on t.v., so it was great to actually be there. I took a bunch of pictures for him and got him some souvenirs at the gift shop.

We left Louisville early this morning, it is good to be home but a part of me is going to miss Louisville. I have a bunch of pictures to share but that will have to be another post.

Me Haces Falta

I really do miss this little blog, and all of you.To all of you who still come by and check to see if I have written anything yet. I thank you for checking in and I apologize for the lack of blogging. There are times where I feel like like I should blog but then I really don't have much to blog about. I am pretty boring...Lol. I am working on that.

Lets see what is going on...I have now lost a total of 9 lbs. So the Great Weight Lost of '08 is going well.Even though, I have no desire to exercise. I mean at all, so I have to find a new motivation for working out. I am still careful with what I eat, I just don't want to work out.

Anyways...

I was reading through this here little blog and I noticed that I owe you guys a new El Papi Chulo List. I am going to work on that some time over the weekend. So please make sure to leave your suggestions in the comment section.

Something To Think About

A few days ago I came across this quote and it stopped me in my tracks. So I thought I would share it with you.

The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. - is sure to be noticed.

I don't know who said this but I found this to be so true and at the same time so sad. I think through out this journey called life we all lose a little bit of ourselves for one reason or the other. I think the greatest battle is trying to find the bits we have lost and reclaiming them.

What You Know About This?

The other night I was watching t.v. with my mom when the host of the show we where watching starting talking about "how kids today don't know music". His words not mines. He went on to say that kids today (and by kids he meant anyone under 35)don't know about the great bolero singers. At this I pulled a Nana on the t.v.

(Pulling a Nana consist of yelling at the person on t.v. as if they can hear you and worse respond.)

The reason behind my pulling a Nana was that i know about old school boleros. I am not saying that I know everything about them, in fact I have a lot to learn but I know old school boleros. They are my childhood. I almost died because of old school boleros and this fool is on t.v. trying to say that no one under 35 knows about that? You got to be kidding me.

I am the baby in my family. Which means that when I was younger my dad would take me EVERYWHERE with him. He would pack my bag, tell my mom to get me ready and off we would go for the day. My dad LOVES his boleros. They are really all he listens to. So since I spent all my time with him,I listened to boleros all the time.

I know most of them by heart. I can also tell you the name of the song and who sings it with in the first 5 seconds of the song coming on. My daddy taught me well.

I want to share with you my all time favorite song. I know I am always talking about how this song or that is my favorite but this one tops them all. I think it is the most beautiful song in the world.

Por Amor which was writing by Rafael Solano, who happens to be Dominican. Many consider this song to be the most famous Dominican song is the world, it has been recorded in just about every language by just about everyone. So here it is for you to enjoy. Make sure to check out both versions of the song.

Here is the original sang by Nini Cafaro:


And here is Mariachi version, which is the way most people know it:

I have to say that is my favorite version of the song, I love the way this guy sings.

Watching that made me wonder what happened to las serenatas? We need to bring those back.

I'm Getting To Know You Between The Lines

When I was younger I would drive my mother crazy asking her questions about herself.

" Mami, when you where younger what did you want to do with your life?"
" Mami, was papi your only boyfriend?"
" Mami, what where you like as a kid?"

My mother would either ignore me until I got tired of waiting for her to answer and went off to bother my sisters or father or tell me to go do something and leave her alone.

This worked until my teen years when I would sit and wait for her to answer. She would usually dance around the questions or say something so crazy that I would forget what I had originally asked her.

As I got older, I stopped asking.

Recently without me asking mami has been sharing little things about herself.

It has been really great because some of the things she is telling me, are things that I have been wanting to know for years. I have always felt like my mothers life was a great big top secret mystery, and I use to joke around and tell people that my mom was really an assassin or something like that because I knew very little about her.

I finally feel like I know my mother. I am also shocked at how similar we really are but yet at the same time how different we are. When I was younger I use to doubt the fact that I was really her daughter because we were so different. So it is nice to know that we have somethings in common.

Through our sharing sessions I have found out a lot about my mother. Like how funny she is. Some of the things she says crack me up. She was also way cooler at my age then I will ever be, and something that I have known my whole life how incredibly strong she is. Along with a whole bunch of other great, cool, interesting only to me things.

I am so glad that we were able to do this. It has helped me to see my mami with new eyes.

All You Need Is Love

I have signed into blogger and looked at a blank posting screen so many times now that I lost count. I have a feeling that I should write an entry, but when it is time to write something I can't think of a single thing that I want to write about.

I finally have something to write about. Yay! Go Me!

Anyways on to the post...

My birthday was last month (June 2) and it quickly turned from a day into a month long celebration. Just about every other day it seemed during the month of June, I would receive either a phone call, email, e-card, birthday card, gift, party, flowers, serenade, or a cake made in honor of my birthday. This is the first time that anything like that has happened to me and it was pretty much amazing. It really made me feel blessed and loved. So needless to say June was a great month.

Some how and I blame Caro for this (cause I got to blame someone for it :) ), word got out that I love to read and just about everyone I know gave me either a book or a gift card to Borders or Barnes and Nobles. I have been spending the last couple of days reading some of my new books. So far three down eight to go.

One of the parents from the program I work at made me a beautiful cake. Which caused quite the commotion when I brought it home. Oh in case you wanted to know the cake was yummy, as where all the cakes and treats that I received for my birthday.

I spent the actual day sleeping in...lol. Ok that did not happen, I actually spent the day working in the garden with my mother and then later on in the evening Nataly took me out to eat and for a drink. After dinner we went to my cousins house for more drinking and some fun times with the family.

Caro called me from Argentina. Which totally made my day and my paternal grandparents serenaded me with Las Mananitas (by phone of course seeing as they live in Ny) like they do every year. Which always makes me cry. Mostly because I miss them so much.

This has so far been the best birthday I have had ever hand down. I want to thank everyone for all the well wishes, laughs, tears, songs, amazing gifts, cakes and parties that have made my birthday extra special this year.

Some days are meant to be remembered

Today was one of those day. Actually this has been happening on and off for a few weeks now.

Today I ran into one of my old students mom. She came to enroll her youngest son in my school. The minute I saw her I knew who she was but was unsure if she remembered me. She did and as we started to catch up she told me something that made me smile. She said " You know F has never forgotten you, to this day he still talks about you."

I was surprised to hear that considering that when I was her sons teacher he was four, and I can barely remember anything from when I was four. So for him to remember me was amazing, but then again not everyone has crappy memory like me.

Anyways, She informed me that he is in the fourth grade now. Can you believe that one of my students is in the fourth grade? Goodness where has the time gone? She told me that they can't get him to stop talking which made me laugh because way back when due to a speech impediment F would barely speak. So to hear that he has turned into a talker was great news.

I have been running into old students,their parents, and ex co-workers everywhere. It has really been a blessing. Lately due to a few incidents (for lack of a better word) I have been feeling like crap. I have been doubting and second guessing myself a lot. I even thought about giving up teaching. So to run into people who know me back when is great.I am so grateful to them for sharing their stories with me. Right now they mean more to me then anyone will ever know.

One of the best things in the world is to walk into a school and hear a voice somewhere say " Ms. Karla is that you?" I love it when families come up to me and are so excited to introduce me to their relatives or the newest addition to their family. " Mira Ms. Karla, in a few years he /she will be in your class." Its not only a great feeling but also a great honor to know you made an impact in someones life.

I know that if you go back far enough you will find those blog post where I am ranting about how much I disliked working with middle school kids. Which at the time was how I felt and I don't regret writing those post. Well I ran into one of those middle school kids the other day. He is now a high school junior and it was great to run in to him. I could not help but laugh as he told his friends " Nah, man Ms. G is cool, you just don't know." It was also good to hear that he is doing so well in school. I can't believe that next year he will graduate.

I also blushed from embarrasement as an ex co-worker that I have not seen in a long time told a big shot in the district " Have you seen this girl teach? She is like magic, I mean it is amazing. You have to watch her teach, you might learn something." What do you say to some thing like that? "Thank You" does not seem to do it justice.

If fact what do you say when a student who you were sure you failed comes back and tells you that you where the first person to believe in them and because of that they were able to believe in themselves? or when a child writes you a note thanking you for going to their game/concert and you realize that you were the only adult in their life that bothered to show up that night?

What do you do when a grown man comes to you in tears and thanks you for giving his child a chance? What do you say when a women who was abused comes back and tells you that you not only saved her life but her children's as well? That because you kept insisting she finally went back to school and will graduate in a few days? When a family who has nothing gathers the few dollars they do have to buy you a gift as their way of saying thanks? Some time there are no words to express how you feel, and some times "Thank You" is not enough.

I hope you all know I am not bragging trust me I know I am not all that. I have a lot to learn. My students teach me more then I teach them. I just needed to write this down as a way to remember all the good things. So on those days that I feel like giving up I can come back to this post and remember that I can't. Giving up is not an option. There are kids, families out there who need me. I can't let them down.

Were only taking turns holding this world it's how it's always been when you're older, you will understand

So I suck at this updating thing. I am so sorry for the lack of posts on here.

Some of my favorite childhood memories are of the times I got to hang out with my sisters and older cousins. I remember going out to dinner with them, and being able to talk to them, ask them questions and get their advise on things like my parents, school and boys. As I look back on it now i realize that my sisters and cousins helped mold me into the person I am today.

Nat, Caro, Joe, Gabe and I have been trying to do that with our younger cousins at least with the ones who live out here. Nat, Caro and I have taken our girl cousins out for a "Girls night" and Gabe and Joe have held " Game nights" at Joe's and Nat's apartment for the boys.We have also told them that they can call whenever to talk about whatever. A few of them have take us up on that offer.

Two weeks ago Nataly, Joe, Gabe and I took all of our younger cousins out to see Spider-Man 3. We planned this outing on the way home one night from Maga's house. We called all the kids and had them ask for permission as Joe said to "get drunk and see Spider-Man 3". I think our little cousins left out the getting drunk part when they asked for permission but we got the green light from everyone and we were all set to go.

We decide to go on Saturday instead of Friday because we knew that opening night was going to be crazy, and there was no way we were going to try going to the movies with this many kids on opening night.

So on Saturday morning Nataly went to the theater to pick up the tickets for the 8 p.m. showing. We then spend the day fielding calls for all the kids wondering if 1.) We were still going? (We were) and 2.) at what time where we going to pick them up? (After 6).

Later on that night Joe and Nat stopped by Joe's parents house to pick up the Suburban which was going to be our ride for the evening seeing as out of the four of us none had a car big enough to fit all the kids. After that Joe and Nat picked me up and we were off to start collecting our kids. We joked about sticking a daycare sign on the side of the burban or running into the house Room Raiders style and just grabbing the kids and running back out...lol.

After we had picked up all the kids we went to FatBurger for dinner. Where we went back in time and had a boys table and a girls table with the exception of Cristian who is 4 and sat with the girls. After ordering we sat and talked and laughed and had a great time. My little cousins are a bunch of really good kids. I already knew that but it was cool to be reminded of that, that night. We finished our burgers and headed over to the theater for the movie. On the way in we asked one of the security guards if he could please take a group picture. He said no at first but after I begged a little more he did.



Since we were early which is a first for us. We grab some snacks and played some arcade games before heading into our theater. The movie was ok. Not as good as the other two but still ok. After the movie Joe and Nat dropped all the kids off and the returned the burban. Gabe and I went home talking about how much fun that was and that we should do it again. Since then the kids have called as have my aunts and uncles thanking us for a fun night and asking for a repeat.

Now with Shrek the Third out we might just have to.

It's going to be alright no matter what they say, It is going to be a good day just wait and see.

I finally feel better, thanks to all the meds I was on for like a week straight. Anyways, my life is pretty much boring but yet I feel like I should write. I spent the afternoon babysitting Madyson yesterday. Which means I have new pictures! She is so freaken cute! There is no doubt that she is very much my cousins hija for she at 3 months is just like ever other female in this family, Mady loves gossip and being the center of attention. It is so cute and funny how mad she gets when you don't talk to her.

I am going to have to tape her next time so you can see what I am talking about. Until then here is a picture of Mady from Easter.



Yesterday was a very good day. Like I said, I spent the afternoon with Mady
and then we went to visit Mio who had her baby two days ago. Baby Mia is so cute. She is so tiny.



After that Nataly and I took her sister Nini to Village Inn where we talked about everything but mostly our grandparents and boys...lol. Weird combo I know.

After dropping Nini off because her mother was going to kill us if we did not get her home. We went to my house and Nat and I spent some time just talking. It was good to just spend time like that with Nat. You can tell we spend a lot of time together because we were finishing each other sentences or I would know what she was going to say before she said it. Nat kept telling to get out of her head.

During our conversations Nat and I could not help but notice all the good things that have happened to us in the last year. Yes there have been really hard, sad days but in between those bad days there were a lot of good days. Good days like the days when a new addition is born, the day we found out that Tia's cancer was still in remission, and the days we were able to spend with our family who was here visiting from Ny. Those were great days.

We realize during our conversation how truly blessed we are. We have a one of a kind family and all of that is due to my grandparents. Remaining united as a family was the one thing that was important to them. Well that and their faith. Don't get me wrong my family is huge and loud and crazy. They will drive you crazy and there are days where you swear that you are going to commit murder but then you remember how close we all are, the laughs, the crazy good food, the amazing parties, the amazing stories and most of all the love (they don't always show it but it is always there), and then it dawns on you that there is no where else you rather be.