Wednesday, December 27, 2006

El cádaver del minuto que paso, me dice que asi se vive aquí te guste o no

"The cadaver of the minute that passed, tells me this is how you live here whether you like it or not."

So much to write about and yet now that I am sitting here in front of the computer. I can't remember a single thing that I was going to write about. I hate when that happens.


Thanks to the wonderful blizzard we had here I have been off for a week now. I needed a break. I was going crazy at work but now that I am home. I can't wait to get back to work. I don't know when I became my mother. I really don't. My mother can never be still she is always moving always doing something. Here I am with two weeks off and I am bored which leads me to move around. I find that I am figity. I'm here and then there. I dont even know what to do with myself anymore. I better find something soon before I lose my mind.

Other then that things are good. Really good. Since my last real post on here things have gotten better. I can gladly say that I am back to being 100% me. It nice to be back. I have noticed that since I have made changes in some parts of my life other parts seem to arrange themselves. Since the last time I posted, I have lost 25 lbs, been proposed to twice, met a new guy, ran in to an old one, reunited with some old friends, made some new ones, laughed a lot, stopped crying, laughed some more, slept like a baby, enjoying life that much more.

I have a ton of pictures to share with you guys but that would be an other post.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

If my life was a movie...

This is what the soundtrack would be. I stole this from J. Sorry for being MIA. My boss is working me hard. One of these days I will post a real entry until then here you go.

Set your MP3 player to shuffle
2. Press play
3. For every question, type the song that's playing
4. When you get to a new question, press next

Opening credits: Pies Descalzos- Shakira

Waking up: Waiting for Tonight- Jennifer Lopez

Falling in love: I Swear- Marc Anthony

Fight song: Can't Nobody Hold Me Down-Puff Daddy & The Family Ft. Mase

Breaking up: No Me Dejes Solo- Daddy Yankee

Making up: Con Ella- Cristian

Life's Okay: Girl-Destiny's Child

Mental breakdown: Beautiful- Christina Aguilera

Driving: I Don't Need a Man-PCD

Flashbacks: Turn the Page- Aaliyah

Happy dance: Do You Love Me- The Contours

Regret: Como La Flor- Selena

Final Battle: Univited- Alanis Morissette

Death scene: Everything Falls Apart- Dog's Eye View

Final credits: Angels- Jessica Simpson

Sunday, December 03, 2006

The long road home

I want to apologize for the sad and depressing tone this blog has taken. I also want to thank everyone for putting up with my sad/depressing state while I worked my way through it.

Some where along the way in between the fight with whats his name and my grandfather passing I seem to have lost and found myself all at the same time. It's been an interesting journey. That's for sure.

Before my grandfather passed I posted on here that I was making changes in my life. I had been working on some of those prior to my grandfathers passing. There were a few that I was not ready to make. That all changed when my world came crashing down on me.

I don't like to admit this, but the fight with whats his name affected me in more ways then I like to admit too. I never thought that someone that I loved, who was so close to me would betray me in that way. It hurt. It hurt really bad. It shook me to my core. I still had not found my footing when my grandfather died. That sent me over the edge. I checked out for a while there. I went through the motions but I was not living life.

When we got back home from the funeral, I found that I was no longer able to sleep. I would sleep for three hours most night if I was lucky. I spent the rest of the time lying in bed looking at the walls in my room. Thinking of everything and nothing all at once. I thought a lot during that time. I re-evaluated my life. During those nights I went through emotions that I was not aware of having. I cried a lot. I thought I was going crazy. I wonder what was wrong with me.

Still I did nothing about it. I kept going through the motions afraid to feel. If I allowed myself to feel it would mean that it was real. I did not want it to be real. So I kept going pretending it had not happened. Denial can be such a blessing sometimes.

The thing that I did not want to realize is that you can only run away for so long. Sooner or later it catches up with you. It took a while but I was finally able to admit the truth. My grandfather had died, I was no longer talking to my cousin and because of that most of my family hates me, i found out who my true friends are, my father is sick and this illness will kill him, my brother-in-law is seriously ill.

There it was staring back at me, the truth, my truth. It was there and there was nothing else I could do about it. I decide in that moment that I was done running. I have been running away all my life.

The first thing I did was cry some more. I let it all out. All the hurt, anger, fear, hate, and betrayal. All the emotions I was feeling. I cried until I could no longer cry. Afterwards I felt better. My mind was clear, I was at peace. I then forgave myself as well as those involved in either situation. I know I posted those cards on here saying I was never going to forgive, but I had to. Not for that person but for myself. As long as I was angry, that person had power over me. By forgiving them, I took the power back.

I then started to make the changes that I had been avoiding. People tell me that I look tired all the time. Changing is not easy. So yes I am going to look tired for a while.

It was not until I checked back in and started living life again that I realized that I had even checked out in the first place. It was in that moment that I realized that I had lost myself. I no longer knew the person staring back at me in the mirror. Whoever that person was, I did not like them. That person was bitter, depressed, stuck, and over all afraid.

After all of this I still could not sleep. I spent my nights thinking. I thought of the bitter person in the mirror. What led me here? How did I become so bitter? What happened to me? I thought and thought. I thought until I was able to answer my own questions. I did not have to ask anyone. I already knew the answers.

I also knew that the real me was still in there somewhere.

During all of this time, one image kept playing in my head over and over. There was little Karla playing hide and seek with her cousins hiding en la enramada where her grandfather and uncles were playing dominoes. Someone ask my grandfather what he did to end up with so many beautiful granddaughters. My grandfather laughs and says " Bella si son, pero esa son candela pura." "Beautiful they are, but those girls are pure fire." Those words have stayed with me all of my life. Us Torres girls are famous for having that "fire". The word on the block is you don't want to mess with us. I had almost let my fire die out. I had almost let life take the fire out of me.

The fire is back. It's not what it use to be, but close.

Baby steps Karla, Baby steps.

The person I use to be, and the person I was meant to be are emerging. I have a better understanding of what I am suppose to do, of who I am.

I can finally sleep at night.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Fotos Y Recuerdos

Sometimes you come across something the moves you so much that you just have to share it with other people. This is one of those times.

I was watching the news. They were talking about Flashes of Hope. Flashes of Hope is a non profit organization that creates these beautiful portraits of children fighting cancer and other life threatening illnesses.

The portraits, taken by award-winning photographers, help children feel better about their changing appearance by celebrating it. For families of terminally ill children, it's especially important to have a portrait that preserves forever the beauty, grace and dignity of their child. That is from their mission statement. What a wonderful idea.

I cried while I watched this report. Seeing the beautiful portraits on the tv screen made me realize what a beautiful act of love this is. I went online and checked out their website. As I looked around their site I realized that people need to know about this organization. That is what leaded me to this post.

I highly recommend checking out their site. Which is here or on the side bar of this blog under links.

I leave you with one of those beautiful portraits.

Image from Flashes of Hope.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Denver Gets Real.

Well as real as MTV will allow it to be.

Thats right the Real World Denver is now on the air.

It was weird watching the show. Seeing them go to place that I have been to a million times or know about. The cast is crazy but that is normal for the Real World. Denver looked beautiful. In fact if anyone ever wonder what Denver was like just tune in on Wednesday nights for the Real World Denver.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

A change is coming my way.

I was tired of the old template.

I needed something new.

What do you think of the new template?

I changed my Myspace also.

I get bored and this is what happens. I end up changing everything.

About the last post. It was not directed at one person but a few. I need to vent and when I saw those postcards on Postsecrets . I just couldn't help myself. They said what I have wanted to say for a long time.

Posting those cards helped me get over the situation. I can finally let it go and move on. Thanks for asking though.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Monday, November 13, 2006

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The space between your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time

I know it has taken me a while to update, but it is not my fault. I was waiting on a few people to send me some pictures from the party that I did not have and really wanted to post.

So here we go. Sorry that this is long.

I arrived late Wednesday afternoon. My ride was late. He left me outside to "freeze" as he says. It wasn't that cold. Anyways, I was suppose to stop in Brooklyn so I could see my maternal grandmother and eat dinner with my aunt and uncle. Due to the fact that my ride was late there was no time. I ended up going straight to the Heights from the airport.

When I made it to the Heights, My grandmother open the door and I wish I had my camera out to take a picture of her face. Her whole face broke out into a smile and she gave me the biggest hug while she asked me "Karla eres tu?" After spending what seem like forever embraced in my grandmothers arm, my aunt came out of the kitchen and came over to say hello. She had to rip us apart seeing as neither one of us wanted to let go.

After the usual rounds of hellos, hugs and tears. I heard my "daughter" say "Karla" as she came running towards me. That was the best thing in the world. I then made my way to the living room to greet my grandfather. Which caused both of us to end up in tears. My grandfather always cries when he hears that I am in the room. Which means I end up in tears because it breaks my heart to see him like that.

You know I took a million pictures so here they are.

The Princess, I can't tell you how much I love this little girl.

While I was in New York I was able to meet some of the new editions to the family. They are too cute and I am going to show them off...LOL

Baby Natalia is the cutest little thing. She almost give my "daughter" a run for her money.

Baby Adrian came all the way from Florida to celebrate.

Ok, I am going to have to give you a little bit of back story before I can post the next picture. My grandfather lost his vision a few years ago. So when someone comes to visit him that he has not seen in a while (like me) or a new member is added to our family he ends up being depressed for days, because he can not see them. So this nearly killed me. I was crying so hard when I took this one. I am amazed the picture even came out.

My grandparents meeting the newest member of our family.

She is such a flirt....La Panda with her men...LOL.

She is too cute for her own good.

I spent the rest of the week helping my aunt set up for the party and running earns and spending time with my family. On Friday night my aunt brought out this video from a sleepover we had in 1991. OMG we were crying from how hard we were laughing. It was so funny and yet embarrassing at the same time. The best quote from that night was my cousins boyfriend saying " Honey after that video we need to re-evaluate our relationship." Oh the good old days.

Saturday was the big day. Of course it was RAINING, even so the show must go on and so we did our hair...
and made sure our lipstick was on right...

Before heading over to the church for the mass...

The mass was beautiful and such an amazing testament to my grandparents and their love. After the mass we took a few pictures....

La familia.
Brian wasn't feeling it.

Pero Adrian was ready for his close up...
So where my grandparents...

After half an hour of pictures we left the church and walked a block down to the hall. Where the party was waiting for us. We ended up taking even more pictures...

Mi veijios.
With their children.
The granddaughters.
and grandsons.
just the grandkids.

The whole family.

My sisters and me.
This picture of my sister and nephew is too cute.

I was able to steal my grandmother away for a minute...

Then I took one with two of my favorite people. My grandfather and uncle...

and of course I got one of the princess...
I was so happy to see my primo's Danny and Jose. Who made it back home safely from Iraq....

Our bartenders where underage but umm at that point no one cared...
The cake was soooooooo gooooooodddddd.....

This is my grandmother's reaction when.....

She saw these guys walk in through the door....

After that it was time to dance until the early morning hour.....

Some of us did not make it.....

Early Sunday morning I was sitting in a terminal at JFK waiting for my plane back to Denver. Wishing I could stay a little longer.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

El color de final de la noche, Me pregunta donde fui a parar

I'm BACK!!!!!!

I am glad that everyone enjoyed the new edition of El Papi Chulo List. I always say this but i think it should be repeated. As long as I am around there will be a Papi Chulo List. So don't worry ladies this list is not going anywhere.

New York was great. I love going home. I have a ton of pictures to share with you guys but I am going to post those later. I also have a whole bunch of crazy/funny stories to share with you guys but right now I am too tired. I must get some sleep.

I just really quickly wanted to send a congrats out to my husband (long story) G for winning the DIY networks Stud Finder contest. I am going to put him on blast right now by posting a pic. Oh well. Here he is.

Before I go, I am going to give you a preview of my trip to New York here is a picture of my "daughter". She is too cute. I am working on a plot to steal her :)

Oh yeah by the way Happy Halloween !!!!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

El Papi Chulo List Part 6

So if you have been keeping up with this blog you know that I am leaving for a few days. I will be in New York. Since I will be gone I am leaving you with well what else El Papi Chulo List. I will see you when I return. Enjoy!

Lance Armstrong.
Lance, why didn't you tell us you were this hot?

Lenny Kravitz - enough said.

Jason Statham= Hotness.

Christopher Meloni.
Umm Law and Order: SVU is all I am going to say.

My Primo Joe.
Cause he's a Badass and he didn't think I would put him on here ha. Oh Ladies he is single.

Colin Farrell
My favorite bad boy.

Julian McMahon is walking sex.

Gary Dourdan.
One of the reason to watch CSI.

Jonathan Rhys Myers.
Besides the fact that he is sexy?

Presenting Rodrigo Guirao he is the Argentine Jesse Metcalfe. He plays the "Gardner" On Desperate Housewives en Argentina.

Barrio Boyzz.
You know they were hot back in the day.

Dave Navarro.
Para Suezette. I know that you love him.

Adrien Grenier.
This one is for Dez.

Danny Pino.
Para Suvii.

Jamie Camil.
Cause I love him.

Justin Timberlake.
Mr JT.

Benjamin Bratt.
I'm at a lost for words.

Ricky Martin.
Cause he is pretty to look at. Imagine seeing that every day first thing in the morning.

Ryan Reynolds.
Alanis has great taste.

Romany Malco.
You can catch this Trinidad Papi on Showtimes Weeds.

Ricardo Arjona.
Have you heard him sing?

Blaine Wilson.
The reason I am going to start watching more gymnastics during the Olympics.

Rodrigo Santoro.
The reason I am sooo going to Brazil.

Victor Webster.
Two scoops of yummy and my future husband.